Treysii Zamorano, ALSP
If I strip away my professional spiritual practitioner license, formal education, make-up, and occasional hair extensions, I'm simply a woman. A woman who's come to understand the power of Love through some messy, ugly, hurtful, really fucked-up, fearful and weirdly beautiful life experiences.
I used to be a hot-mess-in-a-dress when it came to relationships. I didn't know how to take good care of myself, make great choices for myself, or how to truly believe in myself. Honeychild, I'd be shakin' in my boots (albeit they were designer boots:) when faced with anything but gotta-survive life emergencies; like getting evicted from my apartment, losing my car because I had no insurance, desperately holding onto "him" because I couldn't face the "failure" of leaving a jacked-up relationship.
Then BAM! Somehow, I'd forget how insecure I felt inside and jump into accomplishment mode to save the day and myself. It was ca-razy! I was popular, but lonely. I appeared confident and self-assured, but secretly felt insecure, less than and not enough. I played hard to get, and then would get lost in "him." Once "got," I was nervous my "him" would find out I was from the wrong side of the tracks, from blue-collar parents, a father's neglected daughter, a fraud. So in time, I'd make the whole relationship about pleasing "him." I had learned to take care of myself from the harshness of my upbringing and I was independent. But the moment he "won" my attention, my focus shifted from self-care to tracking his mood and making sure he was okay. No boundaries. No understanding. No wisdom.
I went from diva with a heart, to pleading, needy, naggy lost girl, without a thought. I got played, cheated on, beat up, raped, disrespected and disregarded in just about every manner imagined. I couldn't leave unless he said he didn't want me. That was my deal-breaker. But unless he said, "I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU," I'd stay, trying to figure out if he was right for me. If we were right for each other. Wowzers... thank God for grace, guardians, ancestors and angels.
I had some some serious drama going on and didn't even know it, bless my heart. And yours, if you're in something with a "him" that you can't seem to make sense of, are empty, not getting your needs met, frustrated and angry, beating up yourself or beating him up because you can't believe your circumstances.
If you're trapped in the drama of frustration, emptiness and arguing with "him," there is hope. If you long for love but have no him, there is hope. If you don't like what you see in the mirror and don't feel truly great about yourself, there is hope. You've just gotta get some clarity and information to heal yourself and help you understand the connection between what you think and your relationship with life. You really can change it up!
I used to be a hot-mess-in-a-dress when it came to relationships. I didn't know how to take good care of myself, make great choices for myself, or how to truly believe in myself. Honeychild, I'd be shakin' in my boots (albeit they were designer boots:) when faced with anything but gotta-survive life emergencies; like getting evicted from my apartment, losing my car because I had no insurance, desperately holding onto "him" because I couldn't face the "failure" of leaving a jacked-up relationship.
Then BAM! Somehow, I'd forget how insecure I felt inside and jump into accomplishment mode to save the day and myself. It was ca-razy! I was popular, but lonely. I appeared confident and self-assured, but secretly felt insecure, less than and not enough. I played hard to get, and then would get lost in "him." Once "got," I was nervous my "him" would find out I was from the wrong side of the tracks, from blue-collar parents, a father's neglected daughter, a fraud. So in time, I'd make the whole relationship about pleasing "him." I had learned to take care of myself from the harshness of my upbringing and I was independent. But the moment he "won" my attention, my focus shifted from self-care to tracking his mood and making sure he was okay. No boundaries. No understanding. No wisdom.
I went from diva with a heart, to pleading, needy, naggy lost girl, without a thought. I got played, cheated on, beat up, raped, disrespected and disregarded in just about every manner imagined. I couldn't leave unless he said he didn't want me. That was my deal-breaker. But unless he said, "I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU," I'd stay, trying to figure out if he was right for me. If we were right for each other. Wowzers... thank God for grace, guardians, ancestors and angels.
I had some some serious drama going on and didn't even know it, bless my heart. And yours, if you're in something with a "him" that you can't seem to make sense of, are empty, not getting your needs met, frustrated and angry, beating up yourself or beating him up because you can't believe your circumstances.
If you're trapped in the drama of frustration, emptiness and arguing with "him," there is hope. If you long for love but have no him, there is hope. If you don't like what you see in the mirror and don't feel truly great about yourself, there is hope. You've just gotta get some clarity and information to heal yourself and help you understand the connection between what you think and your relationship with life. You really can change it up!
